Read, don't read, I don't care.

[Ichigo☆]

...I swear I never intended to make my first official post -out of the announcement boards- into such a vent...but....I just got super depressed by the simplest notion...and my friend Junsy is such a sweetie trying to make me vent it all to her, but she has enough problems to worry about without going around letting me tell her every little thing that goes wrong in my life. So I'm writing it here. Where she can't see how horrible I am when I get this way.

...This is only one thing wrong in my life but it's a HUGE thing to me and I needa let this out before I explode! *already crying*...So...well, I don't give a care if you read this or not...but if you dunno what I'm talking about...it'd be best if you just didn't ask about it...I'm too exhausted to explain...that and a lot of this makes no sense, but it's hard to type it like I hear it in my head....

Warning, some language ahead. Can't handle it? Get over it. I'm almost 19, I say whatever the Hell I please when I'm upset.


I...dunno...how the hell I'm supposed to move on from him...when he keeps visiting my page every FREAKING DAY! T^T I whine about this SO much lately and I HATE THAT! But I can't help it.......it's got me so drained...like....I feel dead just thinking about him...he has my heart and he doesn't even f*cking care how much it hurts......Yes...he's happy. I know. GOD I KNOW. OK?! See, the relationship he's in now? YEAH, I encouraged him to go for it. I was happy (or thought so) and believed he should be too. It was time to move on.....but now...I wish I hadn't, cause I realized that I like...I still love him...I don't think I ever got over him.....T^T....But he's seriously over me, if he can already tell another girl he freaking loves her...it's so F*CKING MESSED UP! TT^TT....I think he's the BIG reason behind me not wanting to draw anymore (another thing I whine too much about but whatever.). I always drew things for him....and Friday I did a deep clean...in my room. It was needed. I got to the big drawer of art that I never let anyone clean out...I decided it was time to do just that. So I started going through all my old stuff...and...*wince* I found SO many things I drew about our relationship...I only threw one away though...and now I wanna just BURN the rest and let it just DIE IN HELL like OUR F*CKING LOVE DID...I swear I just...just....it's not fair...I hate love...and I just don't even wanna be his friend anymore...cause he NEVER SHUTS UP about his DAMN girlfriend....I bet she's prolly prettier than me, and makes him happier than I ever did, despite how damn hard I tried!...I just....why does life allow me to get hurt like this by HIM of all people?! HIM! Of all the reasons I was dubbed the character Rachel from Glee (latest obsession, and yes it's a reality show.), it's majorly cause we both harbor the feelings of unrequited love. We love a guy who will never even look our way...ever. Well Rachel's about to get her happy ending soon I think...but not me. I am like...I swear! If it weren't for my damn religion I think I'd be bi by now *cries stupidly* I'm sorry D: But I really really just...I hate men right now! They hurt me so bad, and I just wanna freaking die whenever I think of my ex's...in all honesty though the only one who even left an impression is the one who STILL holds my heart and doesn't care! I mean...I guess I shouldn't expect it...I WAS the one who broke up with him...but it was because I needed to spend less time on the computer and--and--....I had to grow up...I needed to learn to drive and prove I could succeed in something in my sorry little life...I just....I never realized, cause I numbed the pain by getting with other guys after...I never stopped loving him. That's why it didn't work with Espo. Not because I was scared of my Mom getting upset about me having another relationship online. That's why it didn't work with Jason, mostly...aside from the possessive thing but still!...My heart....it's like...gone...no wonder I don't wanna draw anything...I don't have a heart to put into it anymore...I'm nothing but a mere shell of skin, destined to know nothing but the life of the unloved from now on, since I will NOT be letting myself fall for another person. So help me god, if I meet a guy at college, I will resist him like HELL! I don't plan to be friendly, nor nice. I'll be Rachel-like, and only care for my one friend there, and the work I have to get done to succeed...I swear my heart is like broken. I don't care HOW long I stay in the shadows, or with God, trying to heal it. This hurt will NEVER be completely healed. I may appear fine on the outside, but I'm shattered on the inside. And just-- DAMN I thought he got it when I posted that stupid poem! He messaged me, we talked...but...I just...I denied it. I didn't wanna face him about that. But I know he knows. Which is why it kills me that he could keep messaging me the way he does. I finally had to remove him from my friends on MSN. It just hurts too bad. I finally know what the term "jaded" means...I think I'm getting a pretty good idea of it. I just....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I WANT THE PAIN IN MY CHEST TO STOP! I SWEAR I FREAKING WANNA DIE, IT'S NOT WORTH IT! I LOVE MY GOD, AND MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY! BUT HONESTLY...!..........I don't know how much longer I can hold out here....I want the hurt to stop, the pain to go away...I wanna think of him and SMILE instead of feeling my heart snap...I wanna lose the stupid blush that comes to my face when I find our old memories we made, and just remember he's not MINE anymore. I wanna....*typos ahead, canot see the keyboard anymore due to tears* I wanna be ok with that! He deserves to eb happy....after all I put him through, I'm shocked he's still my frienD!.........I just...well...he considers me a frined.....but I can't call him one anymore...it just...."friend"....damn that hurts....so freaking much....why can't I ever be happy?....nothing works out...Nothing. Nothing in life makes me smile anymore, except for my one current obsession, and a couple of specific people...GOD DAMNIT I NEED TO STOP!....I wanna stop, I do!...I wanna stop it ALL. I want the pain and everything...just...go...away......TT_TT I wanna be happy that I'm here, instead of depressed seeing all his old PMs...I wanna erase them, and not feel like I'm erasing my own heart....I wanna just...ADgKAFGLAKFA HES ON THIS DAMN SITE! I SWEAR, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND IF YOU read this then TRY TO TALK TO ME AFTER THIS..I JUST....I WILL FREAKING CUSS YOU OUT..LIKE! WORSE THAN HOW I AM RIGHT NOW!...I'M A DAMN MESS, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! Yet...you can just stand there and crush my heart further, not EVEN CARING about the PAIN it causes! I had to remove your stuff from my deviant watch. I couldn't bear it anymore. It just...GAH! I wanna be friends again, but I don't!...I wish we'd never met....you may have taught me many things...but...I....I wish I hadn't met you. OR gotten involved with you...I have a feeling, that if I had known it would still be hurting all this time later....I never would have even batted an eyelash at your comment...but I was a damn fool....and you were too....we both were, thinking we'd ever be more than friends....and now we can't even be that...because it hurts too much...and as pathetic as it is, I can't even bring myself to hate, or loath you even...because I still love you...I love you SO much...In fant, with the state of mind I'm in, if you asked, I would probably even freaking make love to you. Anything...but I just.............I WANNA HATE YOU! I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!!...............I tried to be strong. To show you I didn't need you...but it seems the more I did that, the more you came after me.. As a friend. A FRIEND FOR GOD'S SAKE! I HATE HER! I'm so jealous right now I just..........GRAAAAAAAAHHH!I don't like what I LET you do to me...just........I'm so confused....and despite all that confusion, I am sure of one thing...and...that thing...is...I know exactly how Rachel feels. She loves him so much yet he only treats her like a friend. Cause he has the perfect girl already. In his mind. But she can't move on...cause he's captivated her like a star gazer having discovered the Nativity star...you captivate me...I wanna hate you...I DO....but....sadly....all I can do is LOVE you...

[Ero-Sennin]

*Hugs softly* I have had the same problem.

Exactly, except it's with women, not men.
Love is... Fickle. You love one moment, hate the next, then back to love.
It happened so often to me.

I dealed with it in... Less than healthy ways.
And I do not need to go into detail, just realize that it was extremely unhealthy.

You're stronger than I am, honestly. Impossibly so. By the time I was at your stage(as I call it), I had slipped so far it was almost impossible for me to get out.

You CAN and WILL get through this. You are one of the strongest women I know.


Thing is, the only way to get rid of feelings for another is to get feelings for someone different.
Or finding something, anything, to cope.

My new way to cope is to drown myself in video games, sports, and reading.
It keeps us from slipping into insanity or depression.

You find one of those two options.
And I KNOW YOU CAN.

[Razuberri ♣]

*hugs* OK, I'm going to try to be as optimistic as possible without being annoying.

When I was reading that, I started to cry. Not kidding. I might cry easily, but I found that really sad. Though I might have any relationship problems I can connect to you with {I have yet to have one.... >.> No help on that aisle.... ^-^;;} I can help with the whole depression thing.
If drawing makes you sad, if don't want to draw, don't. Its simple, I know its sounds kinda harsh, but its true. One day you will have the passion again, and you can draw even more beautiful pictures. And at times likes this, when all you feel is empty, look at the smallest things in life. Sometimes just a ladybug can bring the greatest joy.
And don't try to hate him, if you love him, you love him. Thats that, and there is nothing to do. I bet there will be a even greater guy there, somewhere. You don't have to believe that know, or for a long time. But I am 100% sure that is true.
About the whole curling up into a ball, and hiding from the world because you are really sad, isn't a good idea. I happen to be PAINFULLY PAINFULLY PAINFULLY SHY. And for me, its done nothing but shit. I know that seems the easiest choice, but sometimes to deal, you got to. I feel kinda mean for saying that, but its true.
Find what you like best, maybe its cooking right now. Then put everything you got into cooking. ^w^ I've really admired you ever since I joined this sight, and I am really sorry to see you in such a state. But I know you can find a way to get through, and find your happy place.

I'm really sorry if that made you even sadder, but I just really want to see you happy again

[ღ†Aokii†ღ]

*runs in, rips you from your computer, tightly hugs you and breaks down in to sobs* Zozo-tan! I knew you were stressed, I knew love was a problem but! OH GOD Zozo!

My words fail to be correct in this moment! I want to be frank I want to be blunt becasue you need to hear it but I don't want to loose you to anything! As a friend, to frustration or depression. I don't want to farther pain but hun I'm scared for you! I'm shaking and crying and want to jump in the car and find you just to make sure you're okay!

DONT YOU EVER! EVER! EVER blame yourself! DON'T EVER let yourself feel so torn! Emotions are things we CAN NOT control and you need to know that! Love is unhealthy we know that but a true relationship should not be like this, you are 18 for Christ sake! Why is everything in this word geered toward relationships? And why is it the young generation is so absorbed...but I digress I do not mean to rant!

Zoey I'll tell you straight right now, you may still be in love with him but you can never hate him! You know that so stop trying to force yourself, it's making it worse! Every time you lie to yourself it make the wound deeper, trust me I'm still trying to heal. But you can't just do nothing! Drawing was your escape as writing is mine! I fee listless and slip into my mind, I drown in things out of my control and I've suffered dearly for it! I lost a lot of people, my family's worried about me, I never EVER had a friend in school that I cared about and I made too many enemies becasue I was too caught up in my self, in things I could not change in MY OWN LIES to see the true around me!

And I see that forming in you. I don't want you in that, PLEASE Zozo the only one who can turn it around is you!!! Even if you don't see it you are such a strong, brave, caring, and compassionate young lady! You have to have the will to pull yourself out of it! Don't force yourself to chose, or be friends or not to be when it hurts you! This is your life you live ONLY FOR YOU! No one esle has to live with your decisions! Your conscience is yours! Your heart is yours, broken yes but still repairable!

Learn from your lessons, don't take crap from people who don't take care of you or don't want what is absolutely the best! If you are in a waffle situation and you want out, find a way to do it! Don't give up, NEVER GIVE SOMEONE ELSE THE POWER!!! NEVER EVER EVER!!!!!! I suffered through that for the worse part or 17 years!

I know you can be happy, I've seen it, well read it but still *smile please!* I know you can, you enjoy your imagination, it's yours and no one can take it away! No one can take away your creativity, but you can stifle it! You can also set it free and like the phoenix rise from these ashes. It's a new year, a new start! No matter what happens things look up things get better. It's hard to see that when you are in the middle of it, but that sentiment is still alive for a reason...it's true!

Zozo you are never alone! And venting is a great way to do it! Keeping it bottled up is bordering on abusive in my opinion. But also relieing on another to make you happy is also abusive! You are a brilliant women and you can do anything you want, you need to focus on yourself. If you had to push to make someone happy, and it doesn't make you...why are you bothering at all? Do you know the one way to make your head stop hurting? STOP BANGING IT AGAINST THE WALL!!

"So help me god, if I meet a guy at college, I will resist him like HELL!" *groan* if you meet a good guy, and I mean one you GET TO KNOW in real life, one who you have calculated, one that you know, that you know his friends, that makes you feel good, that isn't pretentious nor fake, one that you can take off that mask and still accept what is underneath. When you know that he is the real deal, keep him. But so far, and I am as guilty as anyone, the only people you've been with you've haven't known that long! calling ourselves girlfriend or boyfriends with out knowing each other fully...it's ridiculous! You can be close to someone, befriends and still never know them! Sure you might know their favorite color, or band, or that they have siblings, but what is that? Do you know their biggest pet peeve, do they leave wet towels laying around, do they have a bad habit of leaving dirty things around for others to pick up? Do they think before they act? Are their words pretty but actions horrid? Do they have a past they are ashamed of, something in their life they aren't telling you? *shaking* Why are relationships the one thing we seek? To be with someone shouldn't be a chore, shouldn't leave us like this, broken, depressed, drained. Why is that need to overwhelming that we are willing to risk out heart over and over again?

God there I go off on a rant, this isn't about me it's about you! I bet that didn't help and that wasn't directed at you hun, I would never ever yell at you! *hug* I'm just worried and I don't know what else to say! If he is on this site I will delete him, he has no place here and no friends! This needs to be a sanctuary for you! A place to relax and be with friends and forget those ill feelings for a while! You are never going to hate him so don't even try, you'll be angry sure, but a piece of your heart will need to be replaced and him pushed out of your mind. You are 18 the average person is living to 80 and beyond, you have a life to live, many time you will fall but you WILL get back up and be stronger! You can't just let everything run over you and forget to live.

I am forever in your corner and forever your friend becasue you are one of the first people I have ever truly cared about, ever connected with, ever been truly honest with. You are my friend no matter what phase you go through, no matter how angry you might get with me, no matter how long we might go with out talking, and I NEVER EVER want to loose that!

Please Zozo, smile! For everyone, you can be hurt we understand and we're here to see you through it, but it take effort on your part. So remember all the funny things we've shared, and think of all the good times to come. Smile hun smile!

[Ichigo☆]

Thank you so much, everyone...*sniffle* I didn't expect such a response just for the thing I posted in my blindness earlier....I just....this guy....I..can't move on from him....and I think once I tell you who...a lot of it will make sense...but before I say that, I want to just say how great you all are to me...and apologize for not answering more personally to each comment...I just...I'm drained, exhausted...but you....still stay and put up with me....*sniff*...I love you all....you're really such dear friends of mine, and I swear I've missed feeling this way...I haven't felt at home for some time really...not even in my house...where even my fracking mom is on me about the depression (and she KNOWS who I'm pining after, doesn't make it better)....she just reminds me it's my fault....

but before I get ahead of myself....let me tell you....you original members...you know who I'm talking about....he's a member here, but doesn't sign on often, which is the ONLY reason I felt ok posting this here....because, you see....the boy who holds my heart....I know him WELL....I MET him in person, twice...I kissed him, gave him my heart....he resides on this site known by some as a certain "lightsaga", affectionately called "Light".............

So...I'm gonna cry now. Because I may have been the one to break up with him...but in all honesty...it never felt right....I never got over him...we were together for a freaking year and a half before I ended it, and while we WERE having some problems *MINOR ONES* it was MAINLY because I had growing up I needed to do...growing up I couldn't do if I was obsessing over a boy on the internet...so I broke things off....and like I said, it's never felt right, but.....I still love him...and I know it's messed up, but I want to hate him, just so it'll stop hurting when I hear it in my head "he's not yours, Heather, get over it"....I wanna freaking cry when I hear it....I just.....dunno.........

SOrry for the mini rant, but that's kinda all I'm good at these days...
I don't really draw much anymore, unless the moment inspires me, and even then it's all about "Glee"...which seems to get a somewhat negative reaction that I really can't avoid since Glee's one of the only things keeping me smiling these days...

Sorry....going off subject...but honestly....I hate love. All it ever does is hurt...oh sure, it starts out wonderful, and the feeling is more than what can be described as bliss....but....it's like playing with fire...the flames are pretty, but eventually you DO get burned, and it HURTS like Hell after...

[haruka]

I really honestly do not know what to say, but I will give you a mental hug and let that say everything, okay? v.v *hugs*

Um...Thank you for telling us this. Now I know just how deeply you've been wounded. I guess I'll try to respond without being annoying, but if I end up annoying you, I'm sorry.

You know....that one time when I had a dream that I visited you and hugged you...you were so soft...soft but cold. You have such a sweet, caring heart and no insulation to protect it. But that's what makes you so precious. It's not fair for you to have to live in such misery, especially over something like THIS. I know that when it's your fault it hurts SO MUCH; I really do know that, and so here is my advice for this....

Let it hurt. Do you hear me? LET. IT. HURT. Cry, scream, rant, rave, punch the wall if you have to. And then do what he did. Move on.

Just imagine it:
Girl: "I'm breaking up with you."
Guy: NOES!! *sobsob* *later* I can't believe she's so happy with HIM! *later* I guess I'll just move on...and let her be happy. C: *finds someone else and is happy* *later to old girlfriend* Hey, what are you so sad for?
Girl: *sob* I still love you.
Guy: *sad face* But..I thought you were happy! T_T
(I could be wrong; maybe that's not what really happened, but that's what I gathered from all this, anyway. ^^; )

The reason why he's coming back to you as a friend is because he wants the best for you! That's what friends are there for! (That's what we are here for! C: Like Ooka said, we never want to lose that connection with you.) And the reason why you and so many other people hate "love" is because they use the term so loosely. But I commend you for having such a strong heart.

Pure love never hurts you. It never hurts you like you hurt now.

....Here, have a chocolate chip waffle. ^^ *gives you a plate of waffles*

I'm talking like this to you because my friend Azuri is coming to spend the weekend with me this weekend and I know I'm going to hear at least three stories from her exactly like this one. She always pours her heart into the guy and he either lies to her, cheats on her, or both. Then she breaks up with him and falls apart, hating him and beating herself up for still "loving" him...until she finds another guy to repeat the process with. But while all of those short-term relationships break her over and over again, none of them could have been as bad as when her older sister died in a car crash the week before Christmas, with Azuri's birthday only days away. But you know what she was doing on her birthday? SMILING. While the loss of her sister affected her and her parents were in shock over the loss of their daughter, the family was still making an effort to let it go. I know it must still hurt them now, but they aren't wallowing in depression from it, they're shedding their tears and then moving on. Can this be an example to the rest of us, to not dwell on the past and what we can no longer change?

[Ichii]

Nee-sama, i can relate almost 100% with what you're going through after my "fun" summer.

You need to talk to him. You NEED to. from my own experience, i KNOW how much it hurts. i can understand what you're going through. i wish i could fly to california right this minute and just hug you and try to help you.

if you don't want to talk to him, if you're too afraid of lashing out at him or anything.. then let me. honey, he was MORE than just an "internet boyfriend", you've met him and everything, he's so much more than that.

i know this probably isn't helping and probably just making it worse. i really don't know how to help when it comes to this, especially since it's happened to me.... you're trying to get over him, but you can't, you found another, but they just weren't right, i've been there. but you HAVE to talk to him about how you feel or it's just going to make your heartache worse.

Talk to him. If not, then i can for you.

[Ichigo☆]

Thanks again....once more I wish I could reply to each of you personally, but I have like...little to say and you both deserve like mini novel replies...so I'll just reply to some of the things you said, and hopefully that's ok D: You know I appreciate you both, I hope...you're such good friends ;;

Anyways...hah...I am letting it hurt....like, I have no choice. It's kinda hard to avoid...I keep just like laying down and breaking down in tears...which is pathetic...and I need to take my Mom's advice, really, and just STAY AWAY from the internet for awhile..but I can't >< It's like....one of the few places I can actually let things out and not feel my family judging me for it...I just dunno...it's so hard....v.v;

And..well....I don't really think talking to Light's going to help. No matter who talks to him...though I appreciate the offer to talk to him for me...I just..>< I don't want him to know how horribly this has affected me- I've prided myself on being a strong woman and not coming crawling back to him...I'd sooner do something stupid to myself than let him know I still have even a shred of feelings left for him...Besides, talking to him about this would just bring pain into his life and he deserves to be happy after all that's happened...I just...he IS happy....so...we should all just let him be...Though...I don't know how long he'll be 100% happy...I told Kagome~san about this (cause I can't lie to her about how I'm feeling if I tried, she sees through everything)....and she's like PISSED....and she said she'd tell him to leave me alone...I'm not gonna try and stop her guys. I need him to leave me alone....and if she has to be the one to tell him off......so be it...

And aside from that, I think I have a more serious problem now....after searching a lot of things....I think *honestly saying this, NOT being dramatic* I think I AM depressed. LIke, literally under depression. Whether it's his fault or not, I can't be sure, but I know that I have all the symptoms *except one* of depression, and have had them for quite some time. Nothing excites me anymore...I can't even feel as happy or joyous about the prospect of being with friends, or doing the things I love. I stay up way too late for God knows WHAT reason, and then I sleep late, and even when I've had enough hours of sleep I just wanna stay in bed all day and sleep more. What small chores were such an easy task for me around the house are like HUGE to me, and take way longer than they ever did before...it takes VERY little to make me snap and I scream at almost everyone these days, whereas I've always prided myself in having a good deal of patience....I just.....*headdesk*

[Ichigo☆]

..This whole thing reminds me of a song I once heard....can't remember much of it...but....yeah....xD;; *shot for not just editing previous post* -w-;

[Ichii]

Jan 11, 2010 16:11:38 GMT -5 Ichigo☆ said:

Thanks again....once more I wish I could reply to each of you personally, but I have like...little to say and you both deserve like mini novel replies...so I'll just reply to some of the things you said, and hopefully that's ok D: You know I appreciate you both, I hope...you're such good friends ;;

Anyways...hah...I am letting it hurt....like, I have no choice. It's kinda hard to avoid...I keep just like laying down and breaking down in tears...which is pathetic...and I need to take my Mom's advice, really, and just STAY AWAY from the internet for awhile..but I can't >< It's like....one of the few places I can actually let things out and not feel my family judging me for it...I just dunno...it's so hard....v.v;

And..well....I don't really think talking to Light's going to help. No matter who talks to him...though I appreciate the offer to talk to him for me...I just..>< I don't want him to know how horribly this has affected me- I've prided myself on being a strong woman and not coming crawling back to him...I'd sooner do something stupid to myself than let him know I still have even a shred of feelings left for him...Besides, talking to him about this would just bring pain into his life and he deserves to be happy after all that's happened...I just...he IS happy....so...we should all just let him be...Though...I don't know how long he'll be 100% happy...I told Kagome~san about this (cause I can't lie to her about how I'm feeling if I tried, she sees through everything)....and she's like PISSED....and she said she'd tell him to leave me alone...I'm not gonna try and stop her guys. I need him to leave me alone....and if she has to be the one to tell him off......so be it...

And aside from that, I think I have a more serious problem now....after searching a lot of things....I think *honestly saying this, NOT being dramatic* I think I AM depressed. LIke, literally under depression. Whether it's his fault or not, I can't be sure, but I know that I have all the symptoms *except one* of depression, and have had them for quite some time. Nothing excites me anymore...I can't even feel as happy or joyous about the prospect of being with friends, or doing the things I love. I stay up way too late for God knows WHAT reason, and then I sleep late, and even when I've had enough hours of sleep I just wanna stay in bed all day and sleep more. What small chores were such an easy task for me around the house are like HUGE to me, and take way longer than they ever did before...it takes VERY little to make me snap and I scream at almost everyone these days, whereas I've always prided myself in having a good deal of patience....I just.....*headdesk*

i think i know what that last syptom of depression is, and if i'm right, DON'T FALL TO THAT LEVEL. it's not worth it. my mom is thinking about putting me on a depression pill.... trust me, don't go there. TTwTT;;

i suggested talking to Light because, well, after everything that happened with Shi, after i talked to her, i felt much better, if only for a little while.

i know there's not much i can do, but i want to do everything i can to help, cause i DON'T want you going through the same thing i went through. if you need ANYTHING, don't hesitate to ask me if i can help in any way.

[Ichigo☆]

xD; I'm sure you do know what it is...*sigh* I just dunno what to do....I'm NOT going to that level though, you can rest assured of that...I have way too many expectations on me to go there..and I've let enough people down, I can't bear to let anymore down. ><;

Yeah I know...but...just the thought of talking to him again...it kills me inside. I can't stand the thought...and I really don't want him to know how low he's brought me. v_v; Especially since I was the one that broke up with him...

Thanks Minto--oops, I mean Chiina xD;....I appreciate that...*hug*

[Ichii]

okay.... at least i feel better about that. =w=

but Nee-sama you gotta understand, he DOES still log in on this forum, i've seen him online. and he's online on dA right now and you have NO idea how much i wanna talk to him this very instant. =.= ....but i won't. but one of these days, he's gonna find out how much you're hurting, it might be after you've gotten better, but he'll know. and you WILL get better and you very well know that.

and just you feeling at home here--even if just a little--proves that you've already begun to heal.

and xD it's okay to still call me Minto-chan, i'm used to that nickname~ :3

....and i actually kinda miss it. <xD;

[Ichigo☆]

Yeah, you don't have to worry about that, I'm not THAT far gone.. xD;

I know he does...but not as often...and I'm like somewhat content with just..letting him find out on his own time. Maybe when I'm at college too busy for him to even be in my thoughts. That would be most ideal IMHO...I know I'll get better...but I won't forget him for a long time, and that I can't STAND. ><;...

Hehe well I've had some people I vented to about this frequently (by their request) so I can be a little more easy going here...somewhat xD;

Oh? Ok then o.o I was just trying to be current xD But if you don't mind being called Minto~chan...then I'll stick with that xD