You Don't Have To Worry About Me Anymore.

[Ichigo☆]

Hey guys...Ichigo here.

Just...lettin' you all know. The situation with Light is taken care of.

I told him how I felt. More like he found the topic and everything and confronted me via notes. I was shocked to find that he still felt the same way for me, but was also happy with his girlfriend, so he couldn't leave. But the fact that he claimed to still care for me...well that alone made my heart beat a little easier. But at the same time my anxiety level grew. See, he confronted me Friday night, and I was leaving on a trip until Sunday...but I wanted to talk to him, after all the time of ignoring him...So we stayed up till almost 1 AM talking...it was a happy yet bittersweet talk for us both. Him telling me how he wanted to be with me, and all this stuff, me wishing he was mine but trying to be a friend to him. So when I had to leave he said we could at least have something to look forward to on Sunday, talking together, and I honestly believed I had a chance..

I spent all Saturday and Sunday thinking about him. EVERY DAMN SONG I listened to reminded me of him. No matter WHAT. So I really got my hopes up. I got home and took only half as long a nap as I needed to recover from my trip, then hopped right online to talk to him. He wasn't on so I waited. When he DID get on I was ecstatic. My sent notes showed that he had read the one I'd sent recently, so I waited forever for him to reply....Midnight Sunday night and he still hadn't replied. He'd gotten on and offline,never bothered to say hi, nothing. So I didn't say anything. Cause really, what can an ex-girlfriend say on a guy's page when he knows she still loves him despite his moved on circumstances?

So...I waited. And for some reason Sunday night I could not sleep...I was awake until 3, restless...and I realized it's because I felt empty...like I was missing someone...like I was missing him. I chalked it up to disappointment though and finally was able to pass out.

Next day...I got online later in the day, still hoping to talk to him...though my hopes weren't raised as high after the previous day's disappointment. Again, I saw him signed on...again I got no response....again I lay awake until 3 the next morning....thinking of him.

And finally the pain started to hurt too much, and I slowly began to realize "he's chosen her, get over it"....and I went and wrote "My Choice"...this poem, so bittersweet...it told the whole story...and I can honestly say that I bawled while writing most of it. It only served to make me more depressed sadly..though writing it DID feel a heck of a lot better than keeping it inside...

I had hoped...I dunno...maybe he'd see that poem and note me, with some explanation as to why he was giving me the silent treatment when he knew I was online...or at LEAST to explain why the refusal to reply to my note..I dunno really. But whatever I had hoped for, nothing ever happened. He didn't care or something. I spent another sleepless night awake till 3, killing Nidokings on PMD: EoS until I was ready to pass out.

....OH and did I mention that every time I have by some chance managed to get some sleep I've DREAMED of HIM?! EVERY. F*CKING. TIME. Only to wake up and bawl. Like a moron. =__=

This same pattern has been going on and going on...and I finally can't take it. So I sent him a note.



I'm sorry, I've tried to figure out a way to be friends. Really. But I can't.

So the second best thing I can do...is to break communication again. But not temporarily.

I'm sorry...but I'm done, spent. I can only spend so many of my nights heartbroken over this crap before I end up doing something I'll regret, and I don't want to let it get that way. So I'm...><.....You don't need to call me your friend anymore, and I won't call you mine.

Life will go on, we'll fade from the other's memory, and soon it will be as if I never existed in your life, nor you in mine.

I'm moving on like you...trying anyways. I don't know how long it will be before I can fallout of love with you...but I'm gonna try my hardest.

Please...PLEASE, for my heart's sake, because this isn't easy, PLEASE stay happy.

Now this is goodbye. It was nice knowing you and I hope you get everything you want out of life.



YES, that is the exact note I sent him. There is no hope for us in any way, form or whatsoever of ANY kind of relationship.. I am DONE thinking about him and letting it hurt me, to the point where my HEALTH is at stake. Call me a heartless jerk or whatever if you want. Really. I don't care. I'm done letting this boy rule my heart and ultimately my life.

So yeah.

You can stop worrying if you ever were, which I know some of you were.

I tried again...and I failed epically. So...I'm done.

I'm moving on and focusing on my career again. As I was trying to do Friday when he noted me and turned my world upside down, for those heavenly hours when I actually believed he may still care about me. Do I sound bitter? Well...if I do...I'm afraid I don't care. I'm done.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have my last cry over this bs. *walks off with head held high in dignity and pride*

[Mew Silver]

Zoey..that sounds like it was really hard to do...but...I can say that I know that it was the right thing to do for yourself. I may sound like some cheesy online advice site, but I know it will benefit you in the long run. Something happened to me once and I always regreted not confronting it...not saying goodbye...not leaving with my final wishes so they...well..nevermind. Don't wanna go on a rant in your thread. I know it's hard to get things out of your head sometimes... I don't know why he isn't responding, but most likely he is just trying to help you move on... I hope you can do it Zoey, and trust me, moving on is the right thing to do.

[/TOTALHYPOCRACY]

....just one more thing to add. Well, maybe two. I know I'm not the best advice giver..I don't really know how to give advice..but I'm trying, I'm really trying to help people...

and this reminds me of a song...now I wanna buy it on iTunes..and I can't find it.

okay three.

I still..don't really know how to respond to this..I don't really understand..but I can feel how much pain and sorrow you are in Zoey...and that's why I can't really respond to this...just..I really hope this is the end of it for you Zoey..I really hope that you never have to deal with anything like this ever again..

[ღ†Aokii†ღ]

First let me say how proud of you I am *cuddle* You finally sound sure of your choice and I have waited a long time to hear that in you! I'm just sorry it took so long and so much pain for it to reach this point!

Second I'm ganna make this short, no need to go into! It's not your fault he's being a git! But him aside you have to much in your life to look forward to! I was very worried about you but now I can rest easier! *snuggle* You are not heartless in anyway! You do not sound bitter at all. this is natural and knowing what we -at least those who have known this for a while- know what you mean. You finally sound like your ready to let yourself move on. Sometimes the best thing to do is just remove the source.

NOW ON TO HAPPIER TIMES!!!

Ice Cream? *hands you your choice of cone* on another note could you send me a link to our DA chat? MSN is being a butt and I want to talk to yoooooou!! I miss our rps! *snuggle*